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What's in a Date?
By Tricia Ferdinand
Warm summer nights always put me in the mood to stroll in a secluded (but safe!) area while holding hands with a special someone. In truth, that scenario is just a small part of what I used to call my fantasy date. I did not always have a fantasy date in mind, mostly because I never dated much in high school and when I got to college I entered a long-term relationship. We did not exactly date beforehand either, not in the traditional sense (we were in college at the same school and mostly watched TV together). As a result, the concept of dating has mostly been lost on me, and I had many questions. What did people talk about on dates? Where did they go? Were dresses too formal for a date? Only recently have I been slightly foraying into the dating game, and I am learning much as I go along. I used to make assumptions about dating that are not always necessarily true, including presumptions about the level of obvious romance that I thought dates had to have. In my fantasy date scenario there was always a nice dinner filled with wine and enlightening and intelligent discussion followed by a long stroll if the weather permitted or seeing a live jazz band. Clearly I had high expectations. The truth is that dating can often be spontaneous and unexpected, simple and laidback. What a date should always be, however, is fun. Here are some things to keep in mind while dating whether you are new to the game or a pro:
Shed Your Expectations
Whether or not we know it, we all have particular expectations of people and of situations, and often when those expectations are unmet we find ourselves disappointed. The sooner you let go of what you think your date should be like the easier it will be for you to relax and just have fun. You may end up in a place doing something or eating somewhere you never expected. Go with the flow. The more fun you allow yourself to have the better it will be for you and for the person you are out with.
Enjoy Your Freedom
You might be dating just one person or maybe you have two or three people that you have been to a movie or dinner with. Either way, do not underestimate your freedom to choose. Dating should be enjoyable and you should feel free of guilt or obligation to go anywhere with anyone if you do not desire to do so. Whether you are looking for Mr. Right or simply just to enjoy yourself for the time being do not let anyone else’s wants dictate your own.
Share In the Dating Process
Many women do not feel comfortable taking the reins when it comes to dating. Comfort is always key but if you are daring to date, why not be the one in charge for a while? Choose the place and time and keep it a secret. Leave him guessing and have fun with it. If the effort to get to know each other is coming from both sides there’s a better chance for success.
One of the most important things I have learned about dating is that you never really know what will happen, how the chemistry will work and how everything will work out. All you can do is allow yourself to have fun, free yourself of anxiety and nervousness and just let the details work themselves out. If you are meant to be, then you will find out soon enough. If you are not, well, you enjoyed yourself regardless!
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