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Can Embracing One Dirty Little Word Help You Find Success?
By Tracey Ferdinand
“You are selfish!” You remember the time of day, the people who said it—their mouths twisted to the side in a disapproving snarl—and the sludge of bad vibes slung toward your face and gut when you were labeled that dirty little word many women are conditioned to avoid like rain on a new hairdo. You internalized the description, then vowed to be a better human being by selflessly giving your time, energy and resources to others in need. Often times you find that your energy and finances are maxed out all in the name of reversing those people’s opinion. Well it’s time to give back the Mother Teresa award to others who would gladly use you in their own self-centered pursuits. It’s time to get dirty as you embrace the value of being selfish.
Contrary to the belief you have been socialized into accepting, you cannot be all things to all people. Yes one should always strive to help others; it is part of being inducted into the good human being club. Being a good person however, does not entail bending over backwards to please someone else at the expense of your own well-being. Review your past decisions. Have you promised to lend someone money in an attempt to be saintly only to realize you couldn’t afford the extra $500 deduction from your savings account? Have you cut short the time needed to get things done on your to do list simply to entertain the time wasting whimsies of a friend or boyfriend who does not respect your time and the goals you have set for yourself? It is human nature to seek approval and want to be appreciated; however, there needs to be a line drawn between helping others and sabotaging your personal goals by trying to be selfless.
Successful people understand that their own goals can sometimes clash with the needs of others; yet they are secure within themselves and can say “No politely,” then move on without the guilt. You have the right to be successful and you have the right to practice being assertive. Be selfish when your goals and plans do not align with the requests of others.
As I sit writing these words of wisdom, a woman and man walk past my desk. The man insists on giving the woman money for the pizza she just ordered but she refuses his gesture. Is the need to aspire to martyrdom a sex and gender inspired trait? Or is it simply the work of cultural practices passed on from mother to daughter? Consider those questions and, in the mean time, be bold, be successful, be selfish!
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